this was quite the week of baby news, the dillman's had their baby two weeks early! Larissa had her baby, 6 days over due and my boss' wife finally tested positive as a g.c. for his sisters baby. great news!
we went and visited larissa's baby in the hospital and it was sweet. just so happy and what a miracle it was.
we are going to take dinner to the dillman's on saturday to see their baby too.
of course i have been so emotional about all of this. i cry everytime something baby come on tv.
im hoping all this good baby stuff will also flow into our lives. Wes said if we aren't pregnant by January we can start seeing a fertility dr. so hopefully something happens before we have to fork out that expense.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
receive horrible news last week, the 'miscarry' ended up being a large cyst/wierd period. My experience at the OB was not pleasant. i was mad that i was led to believe it was a MC and when i got there to get my ultrasound done, the lab person just seem frustrated i was wasting her time. the dr had me give blood, thinking i had RH- blood. all to find out i wasn't pregnant. and that im too blame cause i didn't take a pregnancy test before my period. BS!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
May 7, 2012 (Today)
Overview
Just because there are some emotionally charged things going on in your life right now does not mean you can lose your objective reasoning. First of all, things could be a lot worse -- your dramas are fairly minor if you look at what's going on in the world around you. Don't throw yourself a pity party today -- no one likes them very much! If you can keep your sensitivities toned down, you will see things accurately -- apply caution when making conclusions.Sunday, May 6, 2012
May 6, 2012 (Today)
Definitely telling me that the pregnancy will come :)
Overview
The power you want so badly right now will eventually come to you -- but first you have to stop wanting it so much! You deserve more control, so stop looking upon it as a sort of gift you're waiting to be given. You kind of already have it! You should feel confident in what you are doing right now, and fine with just riding out the situation. Letting the world spin around you is all you need to do in order to feel more in control of your own life than ever before.Definitely telling me that the pregnancy will come :)
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Today i am much better spirits. my appetite is back and i feel happier than the past 5 days. last night i had a cry after work- alot of stuff went through my head - the stupid eye insurance (long story) the coming home to a dirty house and blaming wes (bad- i know) i just felt like i had this weight on me ( literally too). and after i laid down and had my pity party- i went and watched some tv. put some groceries away and out of no where a surge hit me. i was motivated to cook, and finish grocery shopping and just organize a little bit.
today i am very much myself. i ran onto a friends blog on facebook about her journey to conceive, and although we are not with fertility specialists yet- it was so comforting to know that someone was being vocal about their ups and downs of trying to conceive. i posted on her wall my well wishes, but it didn't show up, so i will send it again. she needs to know she's not alone and can talk to me about her and her husbands struggles. i don't think anyone should have that feeling of not being to be able to talk to someone.
i didn't tell everyone- i told my closest friends- so that i could feel unburdened a bit as i thought the whole thing was my fault. i had many comforting messages.
Today- had a friend text me a very thoughtful message. and all i could think of was, wow- she was the only one who really genuinely cares about this. it means alot. im meeting her for lunch tomorrow and i feel so lucky to have such a great friend.
today i am very much myself. i ran onto a friends blog on facebook about her journey to conceive, and although we are not with fertility specialists yet- it was so comforting to know that someone was being vocal about their ups and downs of trying to conceive. i posted on her wall my well wishes, but it didn't show up, so i will send it again. she needs to know she's not alone and can talk to me about her and her husbands struggles. i don't think anyone should have that feeling of not being to be able to talk to someone.
i didn't tell everyone- i told my closest friends- so that i could feel unburdened a bit as i thought the whole thing was my fault. i had many comforting messages.
Today- had a friend text me a very thoughtful message. and all i could think of was, wow- she was the only one who really genuinely cares about this. it means alot. im meeting her for lunch tomorrow and i feel so lucky to have such a great friend.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
today i noticed my skirt is a little snugger than normal.
i looked it up to see whats happening. it can't be emotional eating cause one day i eat normally, the next i hardly eat. it sounds like my body is trying to regain some balance hormonally and is hanging on to the pregnancy hormones and weight. I mean, i always gain wait during my pms - but once my period starts i lose it all. but this time it hung around. all this paired with depression probably won't help my weight, or trying to lose right now. i am going to wait another week or so and see how i feel, then hopefully start the gym,
im also extremely tired. i read through some forums and it seems very common. the advice is to get in some iron. probably after bleeding so much my iron is deficient.
i looked it up to see whats happening. it can't be emotional eating cause one day i eat normally, the next i hardly eat. it sounds like my body is trying to regain some balance hormonally and is hanging on to the pregnancy hormones and weight. I mean, i always gain wait during my pms - but once my period starts i lose it all. but this time it hung around. all this paired with depression probably won't help my weight, or trying to lose right now. i am going to wait another week or so and see how i feel, then hopefully start the gym,
im also extremely tired. i read through some forums and it seems very common. the advice is to get in some iron. probably after bleeding so much my iron is deficient.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
its been a few days now. the signs of the miscarry are still present. i called the doctors office yesterday and she said the 'brown' was a good sign that its all passed. I'm scheduled for an ultrasound next week so they can check my uterus and make sure everything is out. she also said to wait a cycle, ideally 2, before we try again. thats a long time- to me. i think i will wait one.
a loss is still a loss. i think wes isn't understanding this and why im so depressed. i tried to bring it up but he rolls his eyes. i just have to convince myself this is my own trial i need to work through alone.
a loss is still a loss. i think wes isn't understanding this and why im so depressed. i tried to bring it up but he rolls his eyes. i just have to convince myself this is my own trial i need to work through alone.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Last night i experienced some of the worst pain in a long time. one side of my abs were experiencing sharp pains, and it went on for almost 45 minutes. Wes laid with me until the pain finally subsided a bit. this morning i awoke with a sore ovary, it feels like someone punched me.
i also woke up feeling a little more optimistic. i plan on calling the doctor tomorrow and ask her what my next steps will be and how soon we should start conceiving again.
i also woke up feeling a little more optimistic. i plan on calling the doctor tomorrow and ask her what my next steps will be and how soon we should start conceiving again.
Friday, April 27, 2012
The emotions of it all
the first month of TTC (Trying To Conceive)
The original plan- TTC this summer.
The dietary changes- adding more foods that have Vitamin E, taking prenatals and quitting caffeine. all this based on research on the web and talking to the gyno.
March- a light just went on and said 'im ready'. A combination of a lot of things prompted me to want to try now. My sister in law expecting in September, she is just glowing! seeing my cute niece and nephew around, and all the cute baby stuff on Pinterest! hehe. of course my age plays a huge role too, all the statistics of women trying to get pregnant after they turn 30. and , also, the incident that pained me, and made me think about how people treat me and in turn- made me create this little blog.
March 22- we do the deed. and we do the deed for a few days. this is my first time trying to time my ovulation with our bedroom romance. and making sure we did it every two or three days, as i my gyno told me that semen stays inside me for 3 days.
I did start my period and i was okay. cause it was just the first month.
I did have a breakdown though mid april. and it was trying to schedule Wes with my cycle and he didn't come home til way late. i felt very discouraged as i have in my head that there are only certain times during my cycle where im fertile. and also, i started to see housing prices go up on the internet. and i panicked and felt like i didn't want to miss out on that opportunity either. I was just feeling like i was going to miss the boat, so to speak. Wes didn't know i was looking at houses, and it is something i do just casually, as i get the emails of new listings everyday.
after a good cry and a good talk, we decided to try and wait to get the money from my mom first and maybe pay down some bills, work on my financial situation as well. and find a good time to tell the landlords too, since we are on a two year lease.
April
I finally timed my ovulation cycle right- looking for the signs and stuff. i did it perfectly i think. and this time it was fun, except the one night when wes came home late. But, i just had this surge of estrogen for about a week and everytime we did it, i felt like - maybe this is it.
Wes kept saying i was pregnant, and i would get fearful of him jinxing it,,,so i would just say stuff like 'no im not" because i knew i couldn't test for two weeks after my most fertile days. well two weeks also means my period. I knew if i started my period than i wouldn't be pregnant.
All the pms symptoms came like clockwork- fatigue, hunger, bloatiness and all the emotions.
and then my period started - perfect timing- two weeks. This period was different though. it was incredibly painful and heavy. i felt like i was losing my entire blood supply and the pain was constant. i had to leave work early, and the next day the period at work was uncomfortable- and even though people didn't know, i was just embarrassed.
i took another day off, as i noticed the bleeding was still heavy and wes suggested i call my doctor. i left a message and waited for the call back.
a ton of things are going through my head like maybe my body is just getting used to the semen and is trying to adjust and hence the heavy period, i even thought about my diet, what did i eat the week prior, was it all the beer i drank, was it because i had chocolate, and chocolate has caffeine in it?
the phone rings- the nurse gives me the explanation i wasn't really prepared for. " you probably got pregnant and it didn't hold, so now you are passing it. 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage"
so i miscarried?
my emotions are both sad and hopeful. i cry off and on, at the same time i think, hey, at least my body isn't rejecting his sperm. i also think- what did i do wrong during that two week period to make it not hold the pregnancy? ive decided not to drink and really really watch my diet post ovulation. i've been doing everything right, but the drinking has really got to stop. however- we had a good time doing it and we had alot of fun memories- beer sampling, hog wallow, huddle.
lets see how it goes in May...
The original plan- TTC this summer.
The dietary changes- adding more foods that have Vitamin E, taking prenatals and quitting caffeine. all this based on research on the web and talking to the gyno.
March- a light just went on and said 'im ready'. A combination of a lot of things prompted me to want to try now. My sister in law expecting in September, she is just glowing! seeing my cute niece and nephew around, and all the cute baby stuff on Pinterest! hehe. of course my age plays a huge role too, all the statistics of women trying to get pregnant after they turn 30. and , also, the incident that pained me, and made me think about how people treat me and in turn- made me create this little blog.
March 22- we do the deed. and we do the deed for a few days. this is my first time trying to time my ovulation with our bedroom romance. and making sure we did it every two or three days, as i my gyno told me that semen stays inside me for 3 days.
I did start my period and i was okay. cause it was just the first month.
I did have a breakdown though mid april. and it was trying to schedule Wes with my cycle and he didn't come home til way late. i felt very discouraged as i have in my head that there are only certain times during my cycle where im fertile. and also, i started to see housing prices go up on the internet. and i panicked and felt like i didn't want to miss out on that opportunity either. I was just feeling like i was going to miss the boat, so to speak. Wes didn't know i was looking at houses, and it is something i do just casually, as i get the emails of new listings everyday.
after a good cry and a good talk, we decided to try and wait to get the money from my mom first and maybe pay down some bills, work on my financial situation as well. and find a good time to tell the landlords too, since we are on a two year lease.
April
I finally timed my ovulation cycle right- looking for the signs and stuff. i did it perfectly i think. and this time it was fun, except the one night when wes came home late. But, i just had this surge of estrogen for about a week and everytime we did it, i felt like - maybe this is it.
Wes kept saying i was pregnant, and i would get fearful of him jinxing it,,,so i would just say stuff like 'no im not" because i knew i couldn't test for two weeks after my most fertile days. well two weeks also means my period. I knew if i started my period than i wouldn't be pregnant.
All the pms symptoms came like clockwork- fatigue, hunger, bloatiness and all the emotions.
and then my period started - perfect timing- two weeks. This period was different though. it was incredibly painful and heavy. i felt like i was losing my entire blood supply and the pain was constant. i had to leave work early, and the next day the period at work was uncomfortable- and even though people didn't know, i was just embarrassed.
i took another day off, as i noticed the bleeding was still heavy and wes suggested i call my doctor. i left a message and waited for the call back.
a ton of things are going through my head like maybe my body is just getting used to the semen and is trying to adjust and hence the heavy period, i even thought about my diet, what did i eat the week prior, was it all the beer i drank, was it because i had chocolate, and chocolate has caffeine in it?
the phone rings- the nurse gives me the explanation i wasn't really prepared for. " you probably got pregnant and it didn't hold, so now you are passing it. 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage"
so i miscarried?
my emotions are both sad and hopeful. i cry off and on, at the same time i think, hey, at least my body isn't rejecting his sperm. i also think- what did i do wrong during that two week period to make it not hold the pregnancy? ive decided not to drink and really really watch my diet post ovulation. i've been doing everything right, but the drinking has really got to stop. however- we had a good time doing it and we had alot of fun memories- beer sampling, hog wallow, huddle.
lets see how it goes in May...
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